Its been a few days since surgery and although still feeling a tad wasted, (and looking like some homeless woman) I am incrementingly on the improve each day from the surgical chapter in this Cancer Chronicles novel in which I am the relunctant lead character. I was scheduled to meet with the Medical Oncologist late this afternoon to determine whether I am to to have some adventures in the Chemo and Radiotherapy chapters of this drama but it has been postponed til after I meet my Surgeon this coming Friday, who will on behalf of the whole Team Minogue, now that they have all my results and pathology results, advise me what luxury suite of procedures I get to enjoy over the coming months. But that is for later, so let me fill you in on what has been happening over the last few days.
In pursuit of the maximum return for the health dollar spend, patients spend minimal time taking up bed space in a hospital these days so I was tipped out and sent home the day after surgery and I could not be happier. Not only does one not have to insult one's taste buds with less than tempting fare, but one can rely on the familiarity of one's own chosen mattress, 1000 threadcount (and absolutely not one thread less darlink!) and duck down accessories to ensure a truly comfortable night sleep. One that is uninterrupted by fellow inpatient snores or the slightly disturbing lurkings of the night duty nurse!!
To facilitate this transition however, Peter Mac sends a troupe of amazing people to tend and assist your recovery. This service is called Peter Mac @ Home. It is a service that has been going on for 40 years. Most other health services have only recently introduced it in the last 5 - 10 years. I have had five visits thus far by four nurses (and a second year nursing student) and they should all be bottled!! They are just tremendous. These very experienced people come into your home for about 40 minutes a day. They take your "obs" - blood pressure, pulse and tempertaure, check your wounds and then have a chat about how you are managing. All very low key - but these people are cunning.
In seemingly informal chit chat they can glean how you are managing and how you are coping,- they can offer you some good recommendations to follow up on an issue here, or a reference there, that you may be chatting about. They are a wealth of information and exceptionally professional. Now these attributes in a hospital setting would be both expected and indeed easier to convey. But within the context of a patient's own home, where this hitherto unknown person is able to convey both clinical professionalism as well as genuine warmth and approachability is the true skill and measure of these health professionals. I am in absolute awe.
Now, I am mindful that I am clearly more receptive to healing because I am in familiar surroundings, with the room temperature, the house layout, the water pressure, the type of shampoo, snacks, use of my favourite teacup and tea type and preferred toilet paper of choice all of my own choosing for me to use and this aids the process. Aided and abetted of course by the care, the love and proximity of Siobhan and the four hairy nurses, as well as regular calls and visits from wonderful friends. But the psychological benefits that come from being at home, and maybe do a bit of sweeping here or dusting there, picking some flowers from my garden and placing them in our home, or getting the mail and taking a short walk, will better promote my well being far more effectively than swanning (and trust me, I can brilliantly execute serious swanning when I put my mind to it) around a hospital bed all day and night. Its been an facet to the whole process that I hadn't expected but am quite intrigued by. And to think that it has its genisis in bloody health spend economics!!!
What these nurses also do is change my drainage bag.
Peoples, you dont get to say that sentence too often in your life time!!!!!
In some poor facsimile of a Dominatrix with a rubber fetish, I get to 'sport' a rubbery plastic tubing 'stole' that is anchored under my arm about 30 centimeters inside my body down my left side (can I just repeat that .....INSIDE my body) and protrudes about a metre and a half outside my body , at the end of which is a very fetching clear and white plastic bag of considerable thickness with intricate navy blue markings that measure the fluid outputs!!!
My research shows that this autumnal ensemble is the latest thing at all the reputable Paris atteliers or fashion houses this season. Tres chic or what!! It would appear that I am surgically attached to this eye catching Clinical Art Installation for at least a couple of weeks!
On the first day, the volume of output looked like a cheap sangiovese in colour. The bouquet and taste clearly not for exploring or rating. But in recent days it has faded plenty and apparently we - dont you love the use of the collective pronoun......we are ultimately aiming for a pale straw colour - kind of like a Marlborough Slut Juice (a popular term I use for a NZ Savignon Blanc!!)
And even if you are ok with the concept of a continuous leak and I must confess it does make me feel abit queasy the worst part is not that - its walking around trying to be normal that is the hard part. On soooooooo many occassions thus far, I have hooked the bloody tubing on every kitchen drawer handle, door knob or shower tap, or dog leg and commenced to walk away blissfully unaware that in a matter of a few seconds I will look like a caricature from a cheap cartoon as I am hoiked backwards by the unforgiving tug of rubber and stitching on my delicate and sensitive underarm skin. If I was into slapstick - it would be funny. Its funny for everyone else though.
But even when you may think - gee she's doing it tough - it gets a whole lot worse.
Not only do you have to be umbillically attached to this little number but the very kind and well intentioned volunteers of Peter Mac take you to a whole new fashion plane and provide you with little fashion items to accessorise your new look.
No need to walk down the street screamining - "Look at Me. I am a Cancer Patient" No folks, these good good people have fashioned a whole line of accessories for you to look your best. And no-one will possibly suspect that inside that hand sewn calico bag strung awkwardly over your shoulder with a cross stitched hand cut flower motif on the front, is a drainage bag. Because after all, I am such a calicao bag, complete with floral motif, kinda gal!!!!!
But wait - there's more.
In addition to the Camouflage drainage bag Over the Shoulder Clutch, is a more robust handbag to keep all your drugs (plenty in number but of no serious street value), extra bags, dressings and appointment diary. This defies description and I will leave you to imagine the endless possibilities for how I can mix and match this very special number with my wardrobe. The interesting and most valuable of my presents though is the half moon shape cushion - not as you may assume a neck cushion - but a rather ingeneous cushion when placed over my left shoulder perfectly cushions my arm from pressing on my tube and wounds and enables a truly magnificent sleep. The little mouse thing in the bottom right hand corner is a lavender (natch!) smelly to make everything smell like little old ladies.
Now whilst I may jest about the fabric design and choices made by these good ladies for someone like me, make no mistake, I am exceptionally grateful for their kindness, their time and their efforts and I will treasure their sense of giving as I will treasure these articles for my care. I am grateful that I can benefit from someone who gives their time altruistically.
Merci Good Ladies - see you on the catwalk of recovery.
Kellyxx
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