OMG! I have Breast Cancer!!! (aka Minogue's Mammary Monologues): A Prisoner at the halfway mark !!!!

"Salutations Non-incarcerated Humans,

It's nearly two weeks ago that I had my third of six cycles of chemo. I am officially half way through the chemotherapy. Ordinarily I would be cockahoop about this significant milestone but I have to confess to being rather underwhelmed at this point in time. Even though each of the three week administrative processes seemed to roll around rather quickly, I am still looking at a further nine weeks of treatment at the least and I am tired this time.......very tired.

This third cycle started well enough. Albeit a tad tired, I had had two glorious weeks of negligible inconvenience. I had enjoyed a particularly lovely lunch and exhibition with Clare, and lunch with Colin, had done some great gardening and caught up with good good friends during that time. Siobhan and I had also undertaken our pre chemo infusion rural escapade down to Gippy but more of that later.

So nearly two Thursdays ago I got to Peter Mac in time for my 9am appointment and was ushered through to a small room with only one chemo recliner and a bed. That was odd I thought but may be I would have a sleep whilst the line was in situ. So I was settled into the chair and the nurse did her thing. It was the same nurse from last time and she had had a bit of difficulty in getting a good vein last time. During that second time, she couldn't get a line in at my wrist like the first time so had struggled and found a vein half way up my arm which didn't go that well as I ended up with substantial bruising and restricted movement of my arm as a result. So this time in preparation, she placed heat packs on my flattened arm in an attempt to get the veins to pop up. Despite prolonged warming none were volunteering to offer up their services to Nurse Vampira. She perservered and banged one in my wrist and shit, it hurt. I was extremely conscious of the needle the entire time it was pumping stuff into my vein......and the bruising afterwards was not nice. Nurse Ratched said I can expect it to be harder next time. Nice!! I think I might ask for the nursing interchange player to manage the line next time!!.

So there I am sitting in my little room with the chemo pumping diligently into me and I am in a mood to neither read nor write. I can feel the cold substance going into my vein and travelling my body- at least I think I can feel it. Naturally, we don't feel our heart beating, nor the blood moving throughout our body, nor electrical charges or neurones travelling to and from the brain. I imagine we would be a tad distracted if we could. But you know that feeling you get when you get a rumble in your gut on occasion ? You can sense or feel, as well as hear, the air pockets and the movement of a substance of some kind? Well it's like that - sort of. I can feel the chemo in the vein as it moves through my body. There is a cold sensation that I can progressively feel throughout my body. But I have grappled with the best adjective or best way to describe it. Because it is travelling through a part of my body, my whole body isn't cold. It's not like you can throw a cardi on and the chill will leave. It's an isolated yet travelling sensation. And cold isn't quite the right word. It's like it is a refrigerated substance of some thickness or density that is cocooned in a casing of some sort. Hence the cold permeates from the inside out not the outside in. It's quite a disconcerting feeling.

In between the three types of chemo being injected I use the toilet that is an ensuite to the room that I am in. I settle back into the chair and get connected up and then three people walk in. I didn't look too closley only catching the face and eye contact of the one woman in the group. Two in dark clothing one in street clothes. I smile and one of the guys takes up residency on the bed. Next thing, this temporarary screen appears and is posted between me and the bed but leaving me the passageway to still access the toilet at the far end of the room.

Guess what? My roomie (cell mate??) was a prisoner with two police escorts having his last cycle of treatment which, ordinarily is done at St V's but for some reason is happening here. The cop uniforms, guns and use of the word Officer by the chemo patient sort of gave the game away. I am amazingly observant aren't I???? Could have been a Detective!! So my next thought was hmmmmm, could I naturally wander past and pretend to take a selfie and perhaps catch him in the background of the shot??? Lets face it folks three and a half hours of chemicals being pushed into my poor collapsing veins isn't that much of a gripping read but a exposé of Victoria's most dangerous criminal sharing my room, toilet and infusing equipment whilst being observed closely by Victoria's boys and girls in blue is a hell of a lot more interesting. Still common sense prevailed as well as respect for a total stranger's privacy so I let it be, but it made for fertile imaginings during the remainder of my treatment.

Now ordinarily, the chemo doesn't affect me for a few days - Good lord, I can't believe I used the word "ordinarily" - as if having toxic crap pumped into my system is a natural, normal and recurring event.....it really is amazing how something so extraordinary does become routine so quickly in your life.......... Anyway, for the last two times the effects haven't been felt for two to three days. After treatment ended I drove home and crashed for three hours - totally zonked out with no explanation. It was the exact same stuff, my chemo regime doesn't change until next time when I go onto taxatere, so I had no reason other than this time was different - and so it proved to be.

The next ten days proved to be pretty hard with the usual suspects of chills so powerful they could loosen your teeth fillings, hot surges and industrial strength nausea all playing their part. But I also had the extremely unpleasant experience of diarrhoea - violent diarrhoea. I had been spared this the last two times but not this time. Somethings are best left unsaid or not described and this is one such time.

But after nearly 30 minutes on the dunny, with agonising gut pain that seared my innards, with rivulets of sweat originating from my temples and my non existent hairline, and running down my face and stinging my eyes, together with my nose running in unison in some kind of macabre symphony (in three movements - pun intended) of exiting body fluids, I emerged from the bathroom and felt almost concave with emptiness and helplessness. I collapsed into Siobhan's arms crying and saying I had never felt so sick in all my life.

The diarrhoea struck a few times over the next few days so being at home was the best and safest thing for all concerned!!! And as it should, this and the other horrid side effects of chemo did reside. They started a little earlier this time and hung around a little longer and they were a trifle tougher but they have resided and I am now enjoying my window of relative good health.

On the Sunday prior to this episode of crap occurring, in good health and spirits from Cycle No 2, we had headed to our second rural destination - West Gippsland to visit a local winery or two and eat at a restaurant that Siobhan had read a good review. Down the Eastern, onto the Monash freeways and then off to Warrigal we go. In little over an hour we turn off for our first winery - Cannibal Creek . Popped in for a tasting - they do a great chardonnay and then into town for lunch at the Big Spoon Little Spoon. Must have changed the owners because the menu was dumbed down to basic everyday fare, so we upt and out and headed to Wild Dog Winery instead and boy were we grateful we did!!!

Fabulous!!!!!!!!!!! Totally.

That's a hat on my head not our fourth little white dog!!

Here is Siobhan enjoying the delights of their wine......a great range with some genuinely lovely gear which we enjoyed with a trememdous meal in a beautiful setting. Peoples, if you are looking for something not far away but seriously special and picturesque - this is the place. Tres lovely.

And I have been meaning to for some time but havent quite got around to showing you the hair that I wear!! I have had to order a gel substance that is contained in a headband to wear underneath because the damn wigs cause tension head aches but since then I have been able to endure it - they are not comfortable no matter what anyone says. But also because I have been accustomed to seeing myself sans hair when I do wear a wig, it feels like I am wearing hair the size of an afro and feel very self conscious.........